Mexico
Woke up on Julia's couch and headed home. Stephen, Eben, Julia and I had a crazy Saturday adventure. Started with Cost-U-Less, I got a huge bag of skittles for 1$. Mexico Lindo for lunch, what an amazing meal, cheese covered nachos, and one tasty burrito. To finish off the day I got to see Stephen's billboard and I got myself one sexy mounted poster of James Dean at Value Village. I also finally had the chance to pick up Megan's guitar that she's lending me for the summer.
For my Saturday evening, I walked over to Agricola to the New World Cafe. Shapes and Cymbals and How Memory Works were playing, both bands were terrific. Even more terrific than the game of speed scrabble I got to play upon arrival.I started getting a really bad stomach ache around the end of the last set. At first I was just dealing with it, but christ did it ever get intense. At some points I actually felt like crying, I don't do well with pain at all.
So the plan was to head down to the Seahorse but I just couldn't do it. I felt like murdering people, and in that kind of state, me sober and drunk people wouldn't of worked for me at all. Stephen dropped me off and who do I encounter first thing, my fucking crackhead neighbors. They just wouldn't let me leave, I was feeling like shit, and all I wanted to do was get to my house. Seriously felt like I HAD to give them 5$, which if anyone is keeping count, was my last 5$.
Let the emotional mess begin. Walk in the house, flip the fuck out, throw my stuff everywheres, and THEN I hear one sad song and I just lose it. Go to my room and start bawling my eyes out. Am I ever going to forget this shit? Am I ever going to be like I was before December? What the fuck is my deal? I miss being funny like before, I miss thinking about OTHER things. I'm tired of having the same old thoughts, why the fuck am I such an emotional douche? I go to shows and all I think about is how someone else would enjoy this so much, or how I would be enjoying it so much more if someone else was there. In a room full of people, but being so alone. I'm just sick and tired of my own thoughts. I think I'm done with it, but it's never true. One little thing and I'm back to square fucking one. And then I wonder, what is the big deal, why does this affect me so much? It was nothing, well it something to me, but in the grand scheme of things.......
Fuck it.
Oh and.. I know you're reading this brother of mine, all I have to say is even I can have bad moments that the rest of the family need not know about.
For my Saturday evening, I walked over to Agricola to the New World Cafe. Shapes and Cymbals and How Memory Works were playing, both bands were terrific. Even more terrific than the game of speed scrabble I got to play upon arrival.I started getting a really bad stomach ache around the end of the last set. At first I was just dealing with it, but christ did it ever get intense. At some points I actually felt like crying, I don't do well with pain at all.
So the plan was to head down to the Seahorse but I just couldn't do it. I felt like murdering people, and in that kind of state, me sober and drunk people wouldn't of worked for me at all. Stephen dropped me off and who do I encounter first thing, my fucking crackhead neighbors. They just wouldn't let me leave, I was feeling like shit, and all I wanted to do was get to my house. Seriously felt like I HAD to give them 5$, which if anyone is keeping count, was my last 5$.
Let the emotional mess begin. Walk in the house, flip the fuck out, throw my stuff everywheres, and THEN I hear one sad song and I just lose it. Go to my room and start bawling my eyes out. Am I ever going to forget this shit? Am I ever going to be like I was before December? What the fuck is my deal? I miss being funny like before, I miss thinking about OTHER things. I'm tired of having the same old thoughts, why the fuck am I such an emotional douche? I go to shows and all I think about is how someone else would enjoy this so much, or how I would be enjoying it so much more if someone else was there. In a room full of people, but being so alone. I'm just sick and tired of my own thoughts. I think I'm done with it, but it's never true. One little thing and I'm back to square fucking one. And then I wonder, what is the big deal, why does this affect me so much? It was nothing, well it something to me, but in the grand scheme of things.......
Fuck it.
Oh and.. I know you're reading this brother of mine, all I have to say is even I can have bad moments that the rest of the family need not know about.
posted by Lindsay at 4/24/2005
1 Comments:
Yeah, I am reading. I have no reason to spread the word. Why would I? They don't need to know, I could say I read your BLOG to mom and she'd be like 'What did you call me?!' lol. Don't worry about me.
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