This is going to be my longest post ever.
I made two lists today at work.
One has everything I love about me, the other everything I hate.
We'll start with the negative and end with the positive.
Ya'll ready for this?

My hair is unruly, I have stink feet in the Spring and in the Fall, my teeth are rotting out of my mouth, I have a mustache, I'm covered in scars and bruises, and I'm the most over-weight person out of all my friends.
I have in general poor hygiene, therefor am rather stinky depending on the day.
Despite all that I'm extremely vain and think I'm the center of the universe.
I'm a five time university drop out and I can't cook worth a damn.
I have a terrible work ethic which goes well with my lack of organizational skills and laziness.
I am the following with most people I know; obnoxious, rude, crude, abrasive, callous, difficult, stubborn, judgmental, demanding, unforgiving, bossy and totally unapologetic about it.
When I meet new people in my head I'm misleading, paranoid and unfair.
I'm very easily angered, which compliments being unstable.
I'm an awful singer.
I'm over sexed and consider myself a slut.
I have a tendency to talk at a very loud volume about everything, I can't keep a secret.
I smoke about a pack of smoke a day and am quite often broke.
I drink to excess, extreme excess, every day of the week.
I have a very addictive personality, get obsessive fairly quickly.
I tend to worry too much and over think every moment of my life.
I'm used goods.
I'm impatient and exhausting.
Lastly, I love being hurt it reminds me I have feelings too.

Still reading? This is why I like myself.

I have an awesome natural white streak in my hair, I've got big brown eyes, well kept eyebrows, big rosy cheeks, my tattoo is real pretty, and I've got a nice rack, basically cute as a god damn button.
I think my stink smells good if you're into stale cigarettes and musk.
I have pride in my appearance and think I dress rather dashing.
I'm confident, and I know what I want, and I speak what I want to speak when I want to speak it.
I'm good at making conversation and love to listen to what people have to say.
I'm an intelligent girl, I love learning new things and am always open to trying new things.
I throw myself into things hard, give it everything I have to give.
I'm constantly busy, being adventurous and getting myself into hilarious trouble.
I love to perform and entertain.
I'm funny and sarcastic as often as I can be.
I'm straight up sexually liberated, ain't no shame, I'm young.
I have the best job in the world.
I'm in your face and super out going.
Artistic, creative and original as possible.
I try to be daring with ideas and thoughts.
I tend to stick my values, try not to bend my opinions for someone else's benefit.
I'm accepting and conscientious of other people and try to look out for them.
I'm easy to be friends with, I try to be cheerful always, or at least bring some humor to my sad situation.
I'm idealistic and hope for good.
I can cook potatoes twenty different ways.
I aim to please, I'm self-aware.
Lastly, I'm extremely eccentric, very hug-able, and French.

There we have.