Derrick and Nicole want to start a French no-wave band with me.
The answer was of course yes.
Le Coque et les Phoques has a show on the 11th of May, I think.
Two ridiculous French bands under my belt and one almost band.
I sing about sex in one, children's songs in the other, what should I do for this one?
Maybe a lot of experimental, no sense making stuff.
Yeah, that sounds good.

Quitting cigarettes is basically the easiest thing in the world.
I haven't started eating more or anything, just like the usual.
Except I smell real nice and I don't cough in the morning anymore.
The new place is shaping up nicely, lots of new additions to the decor everyday.
When this place is done I think it'll look really stellar.
I've been moving by night, it's quite fun.
Get all drunk and move stuff with enthusiasm.
I had a pretty amazing day yesterday when I think about it.
I went out for Ethiopian food, grocery shopping, made music, made art, moved stuff, did all kinds of crazy.
Just a day filled with fun stuff.
I had my first attempt a guacamole, it's pretty easy to make.
I was very happy with the end results, no cilandro next though.
I can't handle it.
I think I'm going to go camp out at William's Lake all summer.
Wake up at the crack of dawn and jump right in the lake.
How ridiculously awesome would that be?

I win.

amazing

The new place is fabulous.
The job is working out amazingly.
I'm losing tons of weight.
I got my hair cut, or at least cut the dead off of it.
I'm thinking about quitting smoking to save money.
That would be a change, but probably one for the better.
I got bubble stuff today so I can start my morning summer ritual.
Blowing bubbles in the morning really kicks the day off nice.
Gin and juice is proving to be a marvelous choice.
I drink less but get drunk quicker.
If my life was anymore perfect it might make me sick.
I feel like running out of my house and jogging.
Singing at the top of my lungs.
Passing out in the backyard and letting the sun kiss my face.
God, I sound like a bad hall-mark card.
I have a new phone number too!
Shoot me an email and its yours.
Everybody I know should do breakfast with me real soon.

I'll rip you limb from limb.

This feeling of being content can only last for so long.
At least I'm having a real good time.
Moving into this new place will be pretty amazing.
Major projects to do up both at home and at the porn shop.
Leah, Frank and I went out for sushi last night.
We took it back to my new pad, sat on the floor and smoked joints.
It was good, the place feels like it could be home in no time.
Christian already moved all his stuff in!
Seeing Leah this week was also fucking awesome.
I could talk to her for hours and never get bored.
Oh my beautiful darling Leah.
She might have to eat cheese made from llama's urine.
Could you even imagine?
But you know, she might not, it just depends if someone offers her some in Equador.
I guess it's super rude to not accept food thats offered to you.
Offends people and shit.
Leah's smart though, she knows whats up.
I wish Scribbler put out a CD every week, that way Leah would have to come up.
Speaking of releasing a CD, Friday night was awesome.
The place actually sold out.
Everyone's sets were really good.
I forgot to buy the CD but you know, my name's on the inside of it.
I'll just steal one.
Oh man.
If you have no more 'yet'.
What is there to think about?
All I have on my mind is the summer.
Everything else, I hope works itself out.

First Girl I Loved
by Robin Williamson

First girl I loved,
Time has come I will sing you
this sad goodbye song,
When I was seventeen, I used to know you.

Well, I haven't seen you, now, since many is the short year,
And the last time I seen you, you said you'd joined the
Church of Jesus.
But me, I remember your long red hair falling in our faces
As I kissed you.

Well, I want you to know, we just had to grow;
I want you to know, I just had to go.

And you're probably married now, house and car and all,
And you turned into a grownup, female, stranger.
And if I was lying near you now,
I probably wouldn't be here at all.

Well, we parted so hard;
Me, rushing round Britain with a guitar,
Making love to people
That I didn't even like to see.

Well, I would think of you.
Yes, I mean in the six sad morning.
And in the lonely midnight,
Try to hold your face before me.

Well, I want you to know, I just had to go;
I want you to know, we just had to grow.

And you're probably married now, kids and all,
And you turned into a grownup, female, stranger.
And if I was lying near you now,
I'd just have to fall.

Well, I never slept with you
Though we must have made love a thousand times.
For we were just young, didn't have no place to go,
But in the wide hills and beside many a long water
You have gathered flowers, and they do not smell for me.

Well, I want you to know, I just had to go.
I want you to know, we just had to grow.
So it's goodbye first love, and I hope you're fine.

Well, I have a sweet woman
Maybe some day to have babies by me,
she's pretty,
Is a true friend of mine

I got an amazing promotion.
I got an amazing raise
I got an amazing apartment.
Yet.
There's still a 'yet'.

Chandy & I went to the Dome tonight.
We got crunk jungle.
I didn't have a bad time.
I wasn't scared like I used to be.
I wonder why I was so scared before.
Maybe because I had such inexperience.
I saw a lot of people that come to Subway.
They remembered me.
I don't know if I'd remember me.
If I was serving myself at Subway.
Not even me, just, you know, that person.
Would I remember that person?
Oh, inner monologues, you slay me.
Natalie is coming over to the house.
It's 4 in the morning.
An experience is happening.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED.

My grandma is really sick.
I think she's going to die.
I will always love and remember my grandma.
She lived a life that had excitement.
She loves frogs.
She had the craziest husband.
What a couple of people, those two.
I'm glad they had fun.
When I think about it.
Mary Milioto.
I feel like my lungs are stuck.
I hate being sad.
Last night I wasn't sad.
Candlelight is something special.
Gin makes me think wild things.
I wish I could.. just say things.
Boy.
I have a new music collection.
I think I'm going to hunt for more.

It's not secret I haven't been feeling the greatness.
Yesterday was really hard.
I woke up still drunk/hung over, my knees were bleeding, on the way to work some guys pulled over and yelled 'eat a dick you fat bitch', work was awful, customers complaining because we had no food, I told a snobby girl to go fuck herself, dead crazy people coming in, I had to call the cops because ghetto girls were causing a ruckus, I'm sick as a dog since I spent so much time the night before outside barefoot.
Just not good.
My cold is worst today, and I was already in a terrible mood.
Then Julia came in with a plastic bag.
She said someone left this for me on the steps.
Natalie left me chocolates, and treats and told me to feel better.
Jesus, I cried so much.
There are so many awesome people in my life.
I forget sometimes.
Thanks for the chocolates Natalie, seriously, you made me feel like a million dollars, if only for a little bit.
I appreciate this gesture so much.
Thanks for reminding I have good friends.
People who really give a shit about me.
You're a million dollars.

Tonight was a night.
I heard some amazing things.
I heard some bad things.
When you're drunk it doesn't feel shitty to be obscure.
You can get away with things.
Gin.
I got some good compliments tonight.
I got some good things.
I'm drunk and both my knees are bleeding.
Julia will look when she gets homes.
I screamed.
A lot.
It felt good.
It was good to hug Shiggins.
I'm done.
I mean that twelve different ways.
I can't wait for new surroundings.
Winter has to be over soon.

I hate distorted stories.
Theres no way to explain.
Without opening to much.
Moral high ground?

Seawalk Stage.

I got my teeth cleaned.
Metal hooks coming atcha, scraping underneath my gums.
Although, now I have pearly white teeth, which is ridiculous to me.
I thought they were permanently yellow and stained.
My gums bled a lot, I swallowed so much blood.
Julia and I went to check out an amazing apartment.
It's painted in beautiful bright colors, has a fantastic backyard.
I'd have my own room away from the rest of them, in the back.
The rent would be pretty amazing to in the summer.
I want to move in there so bad.
We headed over for a drink, then lunch, then sweet conversation at the Scribbler house.
I don't think any huge matters were discussed but it was great.
Sam was cooking and the smell was delicious.
I really dig the couch and chair that now sits by the kitchen.
It's nice to go over and not watch a television or two.
Reflections was a time and a half.
I had way too much of that god damn draft.
First time in my life I got drunk of beer.
Whats does this mean?
Things are growing.
Now the real party began when those pitchers ended.
We set off on a grand adventure looking for papers.
Once found in the most hilarious spot, we headed to the waterfront.
If you follow the waterfront for about 10 minutes from Reflections, towards the casino and around the casino you reach a destination.
It's an outdoor theater called the Seawalk Stage.
It has 4 concrete steps and windows shielding you from the wind.
It's perfect for hanging out and smoking a j, which is exactly what we did.
We then preformed monologues.
I walked over to the other side, sat far away from Julia and Craig and ranted.
How liberating to just talk and say whatever comes to mind.
Anything and everything you feel is fine.
I discussed a thought I was having, but it was more like wrestling with an idea.
Craig's monologue made me think of being young, battling, and the outdoors.
Julia's made me think of words mis-used, fighting and destiny to a degree.
It was a really intense night.
We scaled a hill of ice and finally made it back to the road home.
We stopped by HQ and Dan was listening to some fantastic records.
Really, the whole night was a million dollars.
I'm sorry I missed kareoke, but I saw the pictures.
Definitely some people in those shots that I think should....
Anyways, I think my energy was well spent talking monologues than thinking bad thoughts.
Betrayal really consumes you sometimes.