thoughts

I find myself having the most vindictive thoughts lately.
I'm not even a revengeful person.
For the record.
I love everybody around me.
I don't want them to be hated.
I don't want them to fail.
I don't want them to feel stupid.
I don't want them to get told off.

Now if only I could stop thinking about it.

tits and ass

My roommates took my drunk ass to Freeman's after my last post.
I proceeded to scream 53rd and 3rd at the top of my lungs and be a general nuissance.
I woke up Alex in the morning for some Cafe Vienna breakfast.
Stop putting fallafel on my plate, I don't like it.
Jenna came over for a visit around supper time.
Dave also came to visit, but not me, one of my roommates.
I tried to work on my essay all day but I had no motivation to.
A guy named Stephen who's friends with Ed came to help me.
He reminded me of Fish, same hair cut, military talk, smart, just like Fish, but in a different body.
This morning the following happened.
Copy and pasted from my locals post.

This morning I threw on a skirt and ran to the bus stop. I sort of noticed a bit of a breeze but nothing too crazy. Got on the bus, walked to the back, got to the Mount, walked up the hill with people following behind me, realize theres a lot more air hitting my ass than there should be and BAM, my skirt isnt even a skirt anymore but a piece of material wrapped around my waist with the biggest opening ever fulling exposing my bum. I kind of sort of forgot a broke this skirt a month ago and actually had a reason for not wearing it anymore. So noooow, I'm hanging out at school trying to cover myself as best possible since I already skipped too many classes to skip more today. I also just realized that a man that works for the printing department at my school saw me at Freeman's on Saturday night. Drunk, screaming 53rd and 3rd and the top of my lungs. He winked.

For added fun, I tend to not wear underwear.
Today rocks.

I miss touching.

donkey

I woke up generally upset at the world.
I moved in with three guys for two reasons.
1. Never have to take out the garbage.
2. Never have to deal with toilet.
Well number 2 definitely didn't hold true.
At 11 in the morning I stomped to Canadian Tire in quite the huff.
I purchased an 8$ plunger and proceeded to get gross ass toilet water on my face.
The day did not go well after that.
I went to school and just was just in a bad mood.
Until! My teacher played a Devo movie.
Who can stay mad after watching a few Devo music videos?
Whip it is the most sexual song ever.
Go Devo, they were badd badddd people for their time.
I got to stand in the rain while waitng for the bus.
Atleast I look hot with wet hair.
Work was alright, Alex is my favorite co-worker, so laid-back.
I had to break into my house with Ed.
It was pretty hilarious and the end result is I don't have a screen anymore.
We spent forever bashing our two other roommates.
Talking about people makes me feel awful, but its just hilarious.
We're dickheads what can I say.
I woke up Friday morning with a fresh outlook on roommate life.
Jenna came over to take pictures of me.
Jenna could be one of my new favorite people in town.
Taking pictures with her was awesome, she just kind of told me to hang out and tell her stories and she just took pictures of me in my natural habitat.
Work was pretty alright tonight too.
The buy nothing day parade gave me some extra breaks.
I enjoyed all the drumming and ended up dancing a little bit by myself on the sidelines.
The cops ended up breaking up the good times.
When I got home, Jenna and Mitch showed up.
They escorted me to some party.
There was one asshole their with you know the crust punk uniform.
He punched Mitch in the balls and had a full on physical fight with Leah.
It was all kinds of ridiculous.
Being the only sober reasonable person at a party is no good.
I started drinking at 1 this afternoon.
Days off just tickle me excited, I just want to get as much out of the day as possible.
I went to visit Meghan at Frenchy's.
She sold me some bitching warm socks that I will be wearing for the next month solid.
I saw Heather too, I don't see that crowd very often anymore.
Meghan, Alex and Amy all came over here for some pre-show drinking.
I was already in a bad way.
I went to the show and danced like a maniac.
Be Bad and Special Noise get my dancing juices flowing.
Crazywave hair week has been nothing but success, I've gotten every reaction from appaled to please to adoring.
Reaction however isn't what mattes, but is definitely a benifit.
I think I'll just keep it up because doing my hair is actually quite fun.
Right back to the show.
I eventually threw up outside because the Grey bored the shit out of me and it was hot inside.
The rest of this is collected from other people.
I managed to stumble to Alex's house where I guess I yelled some stuff and asked him to walk me home.
When I got home I crashed on my bed, begged Ed to put on CKDU and open my window.
I woke up to Derrick saying somethig about a Ramone's request and playing 53rd and 3rd.
It was definitely the wake up call of the century.
I couldn't quite remember how I got home or what happened.
Out of pure curiousity I went to Alex's house to see what they were doing.
He proceeded to fill me in on my previous behavior.
I'm glad I only get drunk once a week.
Stephen's donkey huh?

Mom: hey lindsay
Lindsay: hey mom.
Mom: denis was talking now its me
Mom: anikas urine test are not promising. we have to do a 24 hour urine collection on sunday til monday .
Lindsay: Whats that mean?
Mom says: everytime she need to have apiss i have to save it in a jug.
Mom: she is losing protien and red blood cells to the kidney.
Lindsay: Are they going to send her to Halifax?
Mom: we had a doctor appointment yesterday with her doctor, and he conferred with the specialist from halifax while we were there. alot depends on the 24 hour collec tion and the bloodwork they have to do monday morning.
Lindsay: god damnit, i thought she was fine.
Lindsay: Is she still goiing to school?
Mom: when she not having tests done she in school she actually had a great report card.
Lindsay: Really? Lots of As?
Mom: most of the cases of hsp that effects the kidneys have no lasting damage.
Lindsay: I like that statistic.

COME ON SHES SIX CUT HER SOME FUCKING SLACK.

gun

I stayed up all night.
All fucking night.
Now, I'm usually good at this awake thing.
But usually I'm doing things I like to do.
I took some uppers to try and keep me awake.
Buddhism. I never want to hear about Buddhism again.
It seriously seems that everywhere I turn someone is talking about religion.
Were talking about the reformation in Renaissance Class, were talking about how religion effects culture in Cultural Studies, locals is bumping with religion, Philosophy always has the 'truth about God' example every two seconds.
However, radical religion is hilarious.
The Anabaptist that took over Munster, thats some crazy shit.
Right back on task.
I finished up that essay around 6 - 7 in the morning.
Complained silently that I don't drink coffee.
After trying Craig's tea on Sunday, I'm definitely not a fan of that either.
I started on my next essay and wasn't done by 12.
I got on the bus, and woke up in Sackville.
My school is on the Bedford Highway.
I crossed the street and waited for the bus again.
I did the charm thing and got yet another extension for my Renaissance paper.
I walked into Arthur's office and slammed my paper on his desk and say 'Jesus fucking Christ Buddha is done'.
He told me not to mix religion.
I was so tired, I laughed so much.
I skipped his class for sleep but just ended up hanging out with Jenna.
We made some amazing potatoes and got silly drunk.
Shes supposed to come take pictures of me for her homework on Friday.
Which is perfect because it coincides with my crazywave hairdo week.
We went Rockin4$$s.
I danced and hugged a lot of people.
I also called Savannah.
Man, I cry everytime I talk to that girl.
Stupid.
The Free Mansons played, which is Craig and Frank's concotion, "TRANSFORMER TRANSFORME!!!"
The walk home was pretty hilarious, me, Mitch and Adrian.
I decided not to school the next day.
Things were not sitting pretty.
I went to hang out with Mitch, he fed me apple pie that sweet sweet man.
Grandma apple pie.
Natalie came over, we made lunch.
I had a semi freak out at one of my roommates.
I like decorating.. ok so I love it.
I hate blank walls, I hate white bland anything.
Before I left for Reflections I put some decorations up in the kitchen.
While I was gone he took off everythng that was even remotely eccentric.
I can tell that me and Robert are going to have issues.
Our personalities are so far away from each other its ridiculous.
I don't even know what to say to him half the time.
He talks about me setting him up with my friends way too much.
If he thinks I'm nuts, who does he think I hang out with?
Crazies have to stick together, yo.
Word REPRESENT.
I went over to Leah's for a bit.
Mitch and Malcom showed up and Mitch was not in a good way.
Someone came into the Coburg Market and robbed him at gun point.
I didn't even know what to say.
He was so shaky and he looked so shook up.
We all gave him hugs.
That is some terrifying stuff, I don't know what I would of done.
I went home after an hour or two.
I finally finished my room.
Its done and it looks terrifying.
When I woke up in the morning, I wrapped up my paper.
That paper is a piece of garbage.
I don't know how I did it, but I wrote an entire paper without having an argument.
School is killing me, killing my brain.
After next semester its over, I don't know what I want to do, but right now the answer isn't school.
I could be doing so much better than I am now.
This morning was the first day out of my hair week.
I loved it.
Some of my teachers said it reminded them of their childhood.
If any parents made their kids walk around with the hair I had this morning... ... ....
Whew.
School was interesting today.
We learned about those crazy Anabaptist I mentionned earlier.
I also learned about Chinese popular religion, which is just a mix and match of all three major religions.
It seems really tolerant, basically believe in any aspect of any of the religions and you are good to go.
Theres a temple per community and you can go pray whenever you want to whatever God you want.
Go China.
Natalie, Amy and Stephen all came over today.
Stephen bought us slices of cheese and grease.
I went to Sobeys for spices, maybe now I can step up the potatoes a bit.
SPICE UP YOUR LIFE.
I wonder if I turned out the way I am because of the Spice Girls?























So when the Catholic church decided that Anabaptism wasn't their cup of tea they decided to kill them off.
Granted the Anabaptist did take over an entire town and you know, messed around with the social 'order'.
BUT, seriously, putting the three dead bodies of the Anabaptist's leaders in these cages hanging from a church.
Whos crazy now?

rain

My roommates went to play in the rain, skip and run that kind of stuff.
In like sandals and white undershirts.
That makes me feel good about them.

toilets

Straight up gangsters came to scrub my toilet.
Door bell rings, I jump out of bed half naked.
Answer the door and 3 thugs are standing there.
"Yo we be here to clean da toilet"
I thought I was going to be murdered and robbed.
After a very uncomfortable 20 minutes they left.
The toilet does infact look great though.
It kind of gave off the horror movie set toilet feeling.
But now its like that nazi Mr.Clean scrubbed me.
Then three random girls locked out of their house knocked on my door.
They asked to come in to get warm.
I made them sit there and listen to my paper on Buddhism.
I think they would of prefered the cold.
Once they left I sort of got some work done.
Emily asked if I wanted to go to coffee, which I changed into getting a meal.
We went to Gus' and got some greasy madness.
The staff there is a bit.. mean, more than that.. harsh maybe is the word.
We headed over to the One World for the Scribbler/Bad Motels show.
The CD artwork is awesome, I forgot mine in Em's purse though.
The show was pretty good, I danced a lot bit.
I think Matt said it best "Lots of bright lights and not enough alcohol".
When the show ended I walked home.
Rob fed me some birthday cake and we talked a bit.
I listenned to CKDU and requested some 53rd and 3rd.
I didn't get it, but I got something similar.
Natalie showed up here drunk at 2 in the morning.
I got very little work done, I am such a doofus.
Ryan smoked a joint with me this morning.
You know to further expand my stretch of not doing my essay.
I went over to Cafe Vienna and had breakfast for supper.
Craig and Alex have to be the funniest pair of brothers on the planet.
Both of them are straight up crazy.
We went for a walk on Quinpool and got coffee.
Craig made fun of my French and it was all around a good waste of time.
Natalie's neighbor had a bunch of free shit to give away.
I grabbed a fan and some wicked wooden cigar boxes.
Mitch said he could tell me secrets because I'm a 'very approachable person', he also said I was 'jolly'.
I love compliments.
I hate the feeling of regret.
I usually don't regret anything.

french

I've been listenning to a lot of Carla Bruni, well the songs I have.
French music has never had any appeal to me before.
I think something about living in an English city makes it more interesting.
A friend asked me if I could sing folk style in French.
I doubt I could, but it would be all kinds of awesome.
Like having a secret that only a few people could catch on to.
I know a lot of people in the city speak French.
But if its anything like my French it isnt enough to keep up with song lyrics.

Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un qui ma dit

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,

Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses.

On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud que de nos

chagrins il s'en fait des manteaux pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit...

~~~

Que tu m'aimais encore,

C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore.

Serais ce possible alors ?

~~~

On me dit que le destin se moque bien de nous

Qu'il ne nous donne rien et qu'il nous promet tout

Parais qu'le bonheur est à portée de main,

Alors on tend la main et on se retrouve fou

Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit

~~~

Que tu m'aimais encore,

C'est quelqu'un qui m'a dit que tu m'aimais encore.

Serais ce possible alors?

~~~

Mais qui est ce qui m'a dit que toujours tu m'aimais?

Je ne me souviens plus c'était tard dans la nuit,

J'entend encore la voix, mais je ne vois plus les traits

"Il vous aime, c'est secret, lui dites pas que j'vous l'ai dit"

Tu vois quelqu'un m'a dit

~~~

Que tu m'aimais encore, me l'a t'on vraiment dit...

Que tu m'aimais encore, serais ce possible alors ?

~~~

On me dit que nos vies ne valent pas grand chose,

Elles passent en un instant comme fanent les roses

On me dit que le temps qui glisse est un salaud

Que de nos tristesses il s'en fait des manteaux,

Pourtant quelqu'un m'a dit que...

jungle of mungle

I think about quitting school 67% of the time I'm awake.
I can't do it.
I'm not a responsible enough of a person.
I'm not a focussed enough of a person.
Real life kicks my ass and school isn't even remotely on the priority list.
I'll go to work and feel obligated to do so.
But not school.
It doesn't even matter to me if I go or not.
I'd skip school if someone asked me to go grab coffee, which I don't even drink.
I make stupid decisions like... finish a paper.. OR.. go to a show.
I pick the show, always the show.
I'm just not in the right mind set for school.
I just want to work, but definitely NOT at Subway.
I could never just base my existence and money gettings on Subway.
fucking Jordan.
He's right, I do enjoy the sitting around discussing ideas aspect of school.
The sharing my opinions with a large number of people I don't know and seeing what they have to say.
I enjoy discussion with teachers after class.
I enjoy some of my readings.
I fucking despise the essays though.
I don't know want I want anymore.
I don't know what I want with any aspect of my life.
Things should be tubular.
I have a band of sorts, kickass friends, a cool cheap place to live, a job, food, roommates I like, art work that I'm excited about starting.
Yet, I feel like poop, and I'm bitchy all the time.
WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?
Do I even have a problem?
Am I creating a problem?
Am I being an over dramatic fuckface?
Maybe.

I am a dot in the universe of go fuck yourself.

buddhism

I woke up and read about Buddhism.
There are a few contradictions but when isn't there?
The main focus is no violence, but monks have a history of murdering people.
I actually sat there and sewed my jacket.
Its my favorite one, I couldn't let it die out like that.
Natalie came over and we walked to work together.
Subway was crazy busy, but no meltdowns.
I snapped a little bit here and there.
I just can't handle stupid people.
I don't have it in me.
I payed Tim 3.50 and half of my employee meal to start a half an hour early.
I'm glad I did, and I'm glad he agreed.
Amy, Natalie and Ryan all came down to the show with me.
We got the NSCAD just as Gilbert Switzer was starting.
The crowd seemed to be really into it.
Lots of humping, and dancing, and general nonesense.
Those art kids sure know how to dress.
I can't tell if I'm being sarcastic or not.
I saw some stuff that left a bad taste in my mouth.
Atleast it was gone the second time I turned around.
That might be a worse thing though.
Amy would like me to think it was figment of my imagination.
I'm creative, but not that creative.
Windom Earl had me dancing though, good or bad taste in my mouth.
Those kids know how to make a house jump.
This is the kind of shit that makes me wish my blog was more private.
But even at that, google has my number, nothing on the internet is private.
Meghan agreed with the cool awesome fabulous hang out idea.
I look forward to that.
Amy has all my winter accessories in her purse.
I was so... I don't even know the word, that I didn't feel the cold.
When I got home I kind of realized the numb feeling of my inner thighs though.
Question: Would long John's under a skirt look ridiculous?
Could I pull that off?
I want to be an English princess sitting in my garden in black puffy dresses surrounded by ducks more than ever.
I want sleep.
I don't want 12 pages on Buddhism.
Fuck. Fucking, fucking up my garden.

newspaper?

Total meltdown at work.
I wanted to quit, put my two weeks notice, and say fuck you guys.
Work has to start getting better or I'm out.
I can't do that shit.
Its the only place that I yell, scream, fight, bitch, feel used, feel like a tool, and want to punch people.
Whenever friends come to visit, I instantly feel better.
Its like rememebering why I actually like life.
Seriously, this job is turning me into a bitter human being.
Natalie came into work when I was about to leave.
She gave me a much needed hug.
I went to meet my upstairs neighbor.
We talked about music, I told this girl I liked local bands, punk, and a few other bands I could think of.
Her face lit up and she asked me what I thought of the new Green Day album.
I went home and didn't work on my essay.
Instead I hung out with Mike D on the internet.
Someone told me that the internet was the shittiest place to hang out.
In light of that, we decided to get together with Meghan (if she wants) and have a kitchen type style get together.
I went to Musicstop the next morning.
I looked at all the pretty guitars and decided I want one.
But before I do that, I seriously need one of my friends to agree to teach me something, anything.
Not just tell me I can tune my guitar on dial tones.
We sang a wicked movie on Daoism , with the AWESOME 70's leisure suits.
Those need to make a comeback and fast.
If I ever get married, fuck black tuxes, leisure suits.
Savannah stopped over after she was done work.
We went to Rock Gardens to buy locals baseball cards.
I went to Leah's for a bit, we smoked really shitty pot.
I came home to write my essay finally.
But instead I got a little excited on myspace.
I have webpage phases, I get reallny into them and then I forget about it.
Its your 15 minutes myspace, you best appreciate.
My roommates came home from celebrating Ed's birthday.
I guess Ed threw up all over Maxell Plum's so they had to drag him home.
When I woke up in the morning and looked in his room there was a huge pile of puke on his floor.
I had myself a little rant in Cultural Studies.
My teacher was saying that the thing people enjoy the most is spending money on themselves.
Well, in my case thats lies.
I hate buying material things for myself.
I buy booze and smokes, and the occasional poutine.
No new clothes, no expensive shampoos, no new cds, no new shoes, no NEW anything.
I decided to do an art project.
Inspired by a quiz I did the other day, I decided I don't do enough art anymore.
I think its mostly going to have to do with ideas and people that have shared their opinions with me.
Influencial people sort of, inspiring (?) people.
Work wasn't so bad, we were really busy though.
I got home to find that Ed has just covered his puke with newspaper.
Are you kidding me?
I didn't mean to sound like a mom but I told him to pick that shit up.
That about brings us up to date.
WAIT WAIT WAIT.
I almost forgot.
Scribbler and Gilbert Switzer were in the Coast.
Someone once said the coast is only cool when your friends are in it.
Therefor making this issue fantastic.

early.

School.
Work.
Natalie waited for me to finish working.
We walked home together.
Rob made some spaghetti for all of us.
Natalie and I went to Leah's and we talked trash for a while.
I went home, had some rum and cokes.
Me and Mike D came up with a hilarious plan.
Me, Meghan and Mike D, cooking up a storm like it nobody's business.
I eventually went to bed super effing late.
I actually showered this morning.
I talked to my mother, Anika hasn't been in pain for 2 days now.
She has some new rash on her joints, but other than that, its cool.
Another 6 months of worrying and constant check-ups.
But no more pain is the best news I've heard in a while.
Some asshole on the bus told some chick to move if she didn't want the window open.
She did and he just kept fucking mumbling underneath his breath.
I wanted to slap him.
The rest of the people sitting around him got up and moved forward too.
That must of been a little bit of a slap in the face.
Matthew ask me to look up a book for him at the Mount library.
We have those rolling bookcases, they look evil and dark.
I got to the right section and it was just huge ugly black dark books on mental illness.
I sat on the floor and read some stuff on schizophrenia and manic depression.
Those look fun.
The ones written before 1975 were ridiculous.
They had some weird takes on things and how to medicate people.
Heres something fun.
I guess they were showing Chicken Little at a theater in New York.
But the wrong movie start and it happened to be an indie film.
Opening scene: 8 year old boy hangs himself.
Just what you want the children to see.
Smoke.
Bookstore.
Work.
Essay.

bother.

Alex was not a fan of the waking up.
Completely worth it though.
Breakfast ended up being in 2 parts.
The new graphic designer for the Soundslocal zine/newsletter is ....... ALEX!
And Scribbler is going to be in the Coast.
I'm happy for them, thats exciting.
We got the party pictures back.
Now if you're my friend, you've seen the disgusting moutain of gross thats on my chin RIGHT now.
But god damn that beautiful Alex, he photohshopped it right out of the party pictures.
I'm having a listenning love affair with Carla Bruni, she's a French folk singer.
Work was alright, the girl I was working with was in the same hangover boat as me.
Amy came to get me at Subway.
We walked home and talked about the party.
I think we had very different takes on the awesome that was the party.
One of my roommates joined locals.
And here is my major complaint.
This blog is now become obsolete.
I can't say what I really want to say.
I can't express my opinion on certain roommate situations, friendships, or general personal life.
I'll probably continue to do, just criptic style, but thats not how I wanted it.
I do want people to read this thing, I just wish it stopped there.
If 'You can read it, but don't bring up anything in it'. worked.
Not going to happen though.
I didn't get to work on my essay last night.
It was a lost cause, I'm going to really have to push it this week.
No more distractions.

nautica

I went to Leah's after the show.
Scott was tripping on shrooms, it was his birthday.
Nathalie came over for a minute afterwards.
The friends seems to re-joice in the free heat.
I woke up this morning and decided to go watch A-Nut eat a burger.
Well, an 8 pattied monster of a burger from Wendy's.
Clint, Chris and his roommate showed up for the event.
The manager gave Phil (A-Nut) a barf bag.
An hour and half later he finally finished it.
I bought 'I Shot Andy Warhol' off Chris.
I got a lot of free drugs.
More than I'll ever need.
I keep changing my mind about drugs.
I've gotten many opinions.
People have given me many talks.
Yeah, parent style talks.
I think I've come up with, I like drugs, but in moderation.
I know I've become responsible enough to be moderate.
Hanging out with people that are older than you is bullshit at times.
They have this whole holier than thou complex about everything.
The words 'In a few years', 'When I was your age'.
Yeah, when I'm 23 I'll have a whole new more mature outlook on life.
Right on.
Leah came over for a bit.
Alex also dropped by.
I gave him a toque and another Gilbert Switzer pin.
I went to Cory's to invite him to the party.
When I walked in to the party and saw Mike D, I couldn't stop smiling.
I made him hug me.
None of slight tap on the back hug either.
Bullshit hugs if you ask me.
I had a lot of fun, I made lots of random conversations.
I danced a lot too and sang along with the bands.
I hugged everybody, 5 times each.
Good Christ.
You need some loving when: .....
All of a sudden people started coming up the stairs with cake all over themselves.
I can't even believe I was at that house for 10 hours.
I saw Didier too.
I layed down on the sidewalk with Dan, TWICE.
Try to get as much in as possible before winter.
Godwin walked me home since we live in the same neighborhood.
I don't even remember what I was rambling.
I got to talk French a fuck of a lot last night.
House parties are my favorite thing.
I think I'm going to go jump on Alex, drag him and Mitch to hang over breakfast.

I'll probably regret this later.

serious?

Everybody keeps talking about the future and serious bullshit.
Who needs to think about this shit at 20?
No sorry, I don't have a career in mind.
I'm 20, at 20 I'm supposed to decide what I want to do forever?
Well if that was the case I'd want to do what I do now forever.
But I doubt I'll feel the same way in 10 years.

I vow to be none-serious until I'm 25 ATLEAST.

Fuck serious.

Minimum wage jobs, no money, parties, dancing, shows, and yelling.

band

I made puzzles with Anika for most of the day.
My mother made sloppy joes.
Around supper time Anika's feet started to hurt.
We looked underneath and she had 'rash' all over the bottom of her feet.
I don't know how my mom does it.
Mom put on some old CSI dvds, I guess Anika loves the show.
How can a 6 year old remember plot lines from a television series?
Before the opening scene would be over she say 'it's the one about the baby'.
She calls the blood ketchup.
Denis rented Pocahantus for us.
I have to write some sort of essay on the movie.
I figured why not watch it with homie.
Her feet really started to hurt at the start of the movie.
She cried and screamed, she kept apologizing to my mom for picking at her feet.
I just sat there and cried to myself.
When the movie was over I asked to go to Bouctouche.
I'm glad I went home, but that shit was hard.
She let me kiss her on the forehead before I left for Janice's.
I told some people from home I was in a band.
My best friend sat there and laughed at me.
Whats so hard to beleive?
I'll update later, I just had to stop thinking about it.
Ever notice once you put something down on paper or say something, you can stop thinking about it?
This is about where I left of.
Anyways after the laughter subsided, I sang Pink Duckies.
Boy.
Change of subject was drastically needed.
We ran down our usual subjects of conversation.
Then we did what I never want to do with friends.
We talked about all the fun we used to have.
That to me is the sign of a fizzled out friendship.
Maybe if we could of got down with the traditions things would of been different.
She gave me some wicked stuff though.
That girl has wicked taste but not enough... .. . courage might be the word, to actually wear it.
3 purses, 2 hats, 2 scarves, and one of the most awesome pair of mittens later, I'm ready for winter.
Well.. except for shoes and socks.
All in good time.
I slept over and got attacked by her deformed cats.
Her cats have about 30 toes each, its fucking bizarre.
I went home to hang out with Anika.
She was feeling a lot better.
We danced some crazywave, she seemed to be enjoying the punk sensation.
I couldn't find my fucking brother.
Way to suck Justin.
WAY TO SUCK.
Anika let me give her a small gentle hug.
I told her I loved her and I'll be back for Christmas.
If any of the children of our family has a severe cold, Anika can't come to Christmas festivities.
Dad drove me to the cemetery, I left some flowers for Sophia and told her I loved her.
I'm glad I got to go this year, hard to believe its been 10 years.
I went to Jerome's, Eric came over.
He got me stupid high, and I stole all of Jerome's candy.
Eric broke up with his teenage girlfriend.
He thought it was funny that it made me so happy.
Hugs all around the room.
The bus was pleasant enough, lots of sleep, lots of thinking.
Amy and Nathalie came to get me at the bus station.
Amy came to the One World with me.
I picked up a copy of Tobias' zine, but I forgot it, because I do these things.
I danced quite a bit.
I like dancing, but I like dancing in the dark, with a little added courage.
I can't beleive Matt finally joined a band.
I was so glad to see him, he gave me the right kind of hug.
I don't know what to say to you.

grandfather

I woke up dazed and confused with Moose tearing the room apart.
Anika was feeling much better this morning.
Laughing and hanging out.
Sometimes she had to lay down with a hot towel, but for the most part she was awesome.
We made puzzles together until it was time for me to go to my grand-parents.
That man is amazing.
I should set the mood.
Overly clean kitchen, French bluegrass paying in the background, French politics on TV, my crazy uncle Tilmon yelling about something trivial like tire changing, and my grandmother running around like a nut instead of eating her own food.
Heres a basic run down of a 45 minute conversation.
In broken French, the magic of translation.
"You work for mininum wage?"
"No a little bit more"
"At another friend chicken place?"
"No I work at Subway it's a very healthy sub place"
"Well you wouldn't be about to tell looking at you"
*grabs fingers*
"No diamond rings yet? Still no boyfriend?"
"Well I was sort of seeing someone"
"Couldn't keep him around huh?"
There was other goodies, about clothes, friends, lifestyle.
Seriously.
It's just one big put down, it might not seem that hardcore, but its constant.
I'm surprised my grandmother and my aunts and uncles haven't commited suicide.
Then the crazy cat hissed at me.
I asked to go home.
I just had to get that shit on paper before it lost its magic.

20$

I went to Leah's last night.
She painted her room yellow.
It looks nice.
Alex and Mitch came over for a minute.
I stayed up and got down with FFX.
Videogames are going to destroy me.
I woke this morning to my roommate asking for money.
The internet/phone man came by.
WOOOO.
I awakened by some lovely insight from Jeffrey.
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Best part of internet fights is seeing the person afterwards.
Just my luck my friend Justin is playing a show with Deerfield on the 24th.
This should be all around interesting.
I packed in a frenzy after the Eastlink man left.
Friendly man.
If you read this and you know, hit me up on msn for my phone #.
Its fan-fucking-tastic to be connected to the planet again.
Jackie called me a bitch today.
Jackie is a lady from work.
She didn't say it mean style.
Just sort of a matter of fact.
I can appreciate that.
I went over to Troy's for the great book exchange.
He shaved, quitter I tell ya.
The bus ride was by far the most interesting to date.
I sat next to an older lady, probably mid-forties.
We talked for 10 minutes or so and she asked to borrow a pen.
She did up some crosswords and I passed out.
When I awake she was gone and there a note and 20$ tucked in my toque.
That I was wearing I might add.
The note went along the lines of.
"You're a kind soul, I hope things with your sister work out. I have 3 kids that go to school and I know times can be tough. I'm keeping your pen while I continue my travels. Sorry."
Quotations marks aside, that isn't a direct quote but close enough.
20$.... and no name.
It was by far the weirdest thing to happen to me in a while.
I thought about sex for about 95% of this bus ride.
I've been tainted.
Turned into Leah, Savannah, Amy and Heather, my sex addicted friends.
When I got to Moncton, Lisa was waiting for me.
She asked me to be god mother to her baby.
I guess that pretty much sets this friendship in stone.
I said "Sounds good, I'll be the only chance this kid has at being cool".
Its going to be a girl.
Lisa's boyfriend is.... well.. Bouctouche to put it kindly.
What a judgemental blog post this has been.
Lisa drove me to the liquor store to my dad.
When I got in his car he asked if I wanted a rum&coke.
So we pulled into the mall parking lot and he mixed us some drinks.
We had some pleasant conversation and he picked apart my life.
I made fun of him, he critized me.
Same old same old.
When I got home Anika was awake.
She was moaning in pain on the couch with my mother.
Denis was bringing her hot towels from the dryer to put on her tummy.
I couldn't touch her, she didn't want me to.
My mother said it was because some of the medication she has to take has moody side effects.
I understand, I did want to hug her though.
After a while she stopped moaning and mom put her to bed.
She's so cute and precious and little.
Jesus that shit is hard to see.
A little 6 year old moaning in pain and there isn't anything you can do about it.
My mother looks absolutely exhausted, she looks old.
My mother has never looked old.
Moose is a very lovely cat.
Very playful.
Dial-up is not fun.
My tummy hurts now from all the junk my mother keeps in this house.

robie food

Andy didn't happen.
Amy ended up hanging out into the evening.
Flirting with my roommates I might add.
I like the new people, they add a new part to my life.
People I won't hang out with on a regular basis.
People that I only have to deal with for a few hours a day.
Just people.
Even less to do with me since Ryan got fired.
Meghan is going to come check out the place.
Another girl would be awesome.
Just because I can see hockey posters going up in my halls and well.. fuck that nonesense.
If it works out, rock, if it doesn't wall no harm done.
I woke up late for class.
Seriously just threw some clothes on and ran to the bus.
When I got on the bus I realized my shirt was inside out and backwards.
I decided to keep it like that, you know fashionable.
Class was exciting, got to talk to all my teachers.
It looks like all is clear for the trip home.
A few days away from the city should be refreshing.
I hate that bus though.
I guess it isn't so bad when you sit next to someone cool.
Mitch just told me I could borrow his walkmen.
Tape style baby.
I own one tape, lets see what he can lend me.
The Replacements and New Order.
Never heard.
I saw DMC on the bus, we had a terrific bus chat.
Full of things you should never say on the bus.
I stopped by Savannah's to get The Shoemaker for U.D ray.
I went to visit Meghan at Frenchy's.
Amy and Godwin were there too.
What a fun little evening.
I got long red socks, bras, a sweater, and mittens.
Hell yeah.
I went to Robie Food with Amy and was highly disapointed.
It was just.. so.. bizarre and just not good.
The rice tasted like burnt.
I think I'll stick to Mr.Changs for my chinese food needs.
Jeffrey is a fucking idiot.
Don't call me 'an idiot fan' just because you don't fucking appreciate a band.
What a fucking jackass.
I'll dance and twirl to whatever fucking band I want.
Deerfield sucks anyways, adult country rock bullshit.
Right on.
My little sister went home from the hospital.
Something about the hospital not being a good place with her immune system being so weak.
I guess any kind of cold or flu could bring this monster of a disease back full force.
I'm excited about seeing her.
I can't kiss her though.
I have a cold.

tired and re-tired

I got home and the house was sleeping.
I put a blanket over one of my roommates and shut his door.
Then I realized that might be creepy.
I tried to figure out how I could manage my schedule.
This is what I came up with.
Tuesday - Get notes for History essay, call bus station, call dad for money, pack.
Wednesday - Go to History, catch the 4 oclock bus to New Brunswick.
Spend as much time as I'm allowed with Anika and then call Lisa.
Thursday - Back to the hospital, maybe see a few friends in town when visiting hours are over. Possibly get high with brother.
Friday - catch the 2 oclock bus, bring luggage home, get to the One World right on time.
Saturday - Crunk Jungle, try to do some work.
Sunday - work, then Cultural Studies/History/Religion essays to get done.
History is due whenever I want.
I went to talk to my teacher, and when I said the words 'my little baby sister is.... ill' I started crying.
I left the room and cried on the side of the building.
I think I'm worrying myself more than I should.
But I'm terrified.
Cultural Studies is due on Thursday.
Religion is due on Friday.
I work Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and I have to get all three of these essays done by the end of next week.
I can do it, or die trying.
My teachers are awesome and so understanding.
I feel bad for all the wasted days I skipped when things we're perfect.
Before the madness began.
Work was okay, my manager was being super awesome about my whole deal.
I left early and came to hang out with Amy.
I'm going to go home and read a book on Budhism.
I have to read this book and then write a 12 page paper to make up for a test I missed.
I'll probably just end up reading more of Andy Warhol.

'ain't'

Fuck spell check.
I wondered home drunk after that last blog entry.
The party was pretty alright.
I enjoyed hanging out with Savannah.
Although, I've come to the conclusion I'm better at being friends one on one.
Like one friend at a time, large groups are fucked.
I stop talking but it depends I guess.
Sometimes large groups get me going.
I don't know.
I thought this out earlier, and now it seems to make less sense.
I read more about the great Andy Warhol this morning.
He has some interesting things to say.
I want to read the Andy Warhol philosophy and see what that jazz is all about.
I hung out with my roommates this morning.
One of them woke up with kareoke kid bandanas everywheres.
He couldn't quite explain it.
They own Final Fantasy X, I will never leave the house again.
I thought since I was out of New-Brunswick I would never be faced with serious videogame addiction again.
I see it coming back, especially with the cold weather and the free heated apartment.
I went over to Alex's before work.
I called the hospital, I got to talk to Anika.
They put her on morphine, which is crazy.
A 6 year old on morphine.
My mother isn't going back to work until Anika leaves the hospital.
That little girl has had some hard health problems.
I'm thinking about heading home.
Surprise style, maybe just showing up at the hospital with gifts.
I need a drive though, I can't afford the bus ride there.
My dad might be able to help out.
I should ask him.
I really want to see her and touch her golden hair.
Work was horrible.
Absolutely horrible, trainees are the death of me.
This one had bling with her name on it, said 'ain't' like it was going out of mother fucking style, yelled at me for 'embarassing her'.
I was like 'Who cares what anybody who comes to Subway thinks? They were making fun of you when they walked in the door. You work at FUCKING Subway.'
She just walked away, fucking 17 year old ghetto bitch.
But since she's only training at my Subway and then being tranferred, I'll never have to deal with her again.
Amy came to get me after work.
I'm hanging out here with her and Edie.
Edie has a mohawk, I should specify that Edie is a cat.
A pretty white cat with a black mohawk.
Rock.

news

Savannah came over and we cooked up a storm.
She agrees with me.
There is something wrong with my roommates.
Its.... it.
We went to Meghan's.
I called my mother.
I cried so much that the nurse had to put me through.
She said your mother is here but visiting hours are over.
I said, well I'm out of town and this is all I can do to talk to her.
She told me Anika was going to be alright.
She also told me about the pain that my little princess is in.
I want to go home and hold her.
I want to be next to her and smell her baby smell.
If my mom says things are going to be okay I'll believe it.
I think I might of scared my mother with the crying.
I was drunk and seriously worried.
I wanted to speak to my mother so bad.
Just hear her voice and those words of assurance.
Thats not how you spell that.
I'm going to go pretend things are fine and mingle with people.
Thats not how you spell that either.
I'll spell check tomorrow.

I effing get to work and I'm not even on the schedule.
I couldn't find my masking tape and left the house in a huff.
I hate not finding things.
Leah's vortex of lost time sucked me in.
I ended up spending hours getting high and eating.
Always with the eating in that house.
But whos complaining? I like Leah's food despite all the shit I tell her.
I had my first sit down all the new roommates together.
I drank a few rum and cokes and cleaned the kitchen.
I got all my ingredients, pots and pans put away.
Rob kept asking me if I'm always this hyper.
The answer is yes, I'm not quiet, I'm not shy in my own home.
I made my roommates dill fries.
Ryan got me high too.
Next morning I went over to the One World to check my mail.
Headed over to Nathalie's.
We hit up the dollar store, that place is the nexus of the universe.
So big and scary, and messy, and disorganized.
I was lost, I kept screaming for Nathalie.
Work was alright, I got all my jazz done.
I ended up having to do all the work for the backshift.
Actually the agreement was I would do their work if I could leave an hour early.
But, as usual, backshift didn't show up and I actually got to leave an hour and half late.
YAY.
I went to the Seahorse and danced my face off.
Hung out with all kinds of cool cats.
Stephen was there, I enjoy the Stephen and the Krista.
We talked Harlequin Romances, you know intellectual stuff.
Ben gave me a ride home and I read some Andy Warhol.
This morning I prepared some of the stuff for a potluck tonight.
Went over the Leah's to collect a pot of mine.
I'm over at Alex's checking my emails and stuff.
I stumbled into my brother's blog.
My little sister has been diagnosed with a rare disease.
It affects 140 out of a million people.
Henoch-Schonlein Purpura.
If you google image it, it makes you feel worse.
I guess it destroys your immune system and kills your kidneys.
Causes bleeding in your intestines and kidneys.
My little sister better be okay.
Blonde little angel.
I have to talk to my mother.

poooower.

I ended up not going to school on Monday.
I just felt like getting the new place rolling.
I had breakfast by myself at Cafe Vienna, it was good.
Whole-wheat pancakes are interesting.
Nathalie came to hang out with me.
We went to Canadian Tire and saw Alfred.
Bought some crazy stuff for hanging shelves.
Leah came home and helped us move the last of my stuff.
Jessica, Leah and Nathalie all went to Value Village.
I got my hair re-done before they left and went to Alex's.
Had some wicked Scrabble good times at Gus'.
I met Rachel and a cat named Chris.
Went back to hang out with the fun lovers.
Leah put Nathalie in this hippy costume.
It was like... 2 Leah's in the same room. Scary.
Reflections was wicked.
I got all kinds of folks to buy me drinks.
I danced a lot, and sang along to Scribbler.
Everybody had fun costumes.
I got to do the whole 'uzumaki'/twirling thing.
I actually went to school the next day.
I made some comments in Cultural Studies, my teacher looked pleased.
Leah's new roommate Meghan hung out with me for a while after school.
She seems like a really hip lady, a cool chick.
I went to Alex's and read Craig's message history to him.
I ate Frank's chicken. I'm sorry Frank.
Woke up the next morning and ran home.
The power people were supposed to be coming sometime between 8 - 4.
Meaning you know, 5 30.
But no, not this time, first time in the history of turning on power the bastard shows up at 8.
I ofcourse had not done what I was supposed to (turn off the main switch).
He said 'You're lucky I didn't leave'.
First time in history, for serious.
I got into my house and turned on all the lights.
POWER BABY.
I didn't know my roommates were home so I put on my Gilbert Switzer tape LOUD.
One of them woke up and was like 'Hey we have power, and apparently so does this guy'.
The other said 'What the hell, it sounds like he's screaming for help'.
I think that was probably the best introduction to the type of music that will be coming out of my room.
He put on U2, I lowered the volume of Gilbert Switzer.
My room is almost all set up.
We have hot water, heat and power.
JCS did not clean his house before moving out. Whats the fuck is in that bathtub?
Next time I see that cat, I'm telling.
I had some talks with some teachers at school.
Some extensions and some special homework and stuff.
After school, Amy came over to see my apartment and meet my roommates.
Leah made caramel apples.
Frank painted his room bubblegum pink.
I got loaded and headed to Bearly's by myself.
I stopped off at Megan Best's house first.
Bearly's was fun.
I hate this new regular that goes there.
He once tried to show his penis to me and a friend.
It was odd to say the least.
He reminds me of the asshole who wants to marry Drew Barrymore in the Wedding Singer.
Think about it.
I got home loaded and chatted it up with the roomies.
I put up a lot of my posters this morning.
I love the fact that I have this amazing house for so fucking cheap.
I get to live with guys too.
Not bitchy, and they actually tell me to shut up when I should shut up.
They'll get use to the music, in a few months they'll have their own American Idol tapes.
I can see it.
I love it.
LOVE IT
LOVE IT
LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT!